Pink OR Blue

The night before we had our 20 week ultrasound I think that I tossed and turned all night. The anticipation of finding out what we were having was driving me crazy, as thoughts of either frilly dresses or lil' man clothes were running through my mind. Nello seemed to sleep soundly, although he didn't even want to know what we were having so I don't think the anticipation was effecting him in the same manner. Although he was very excited to see baby flipping around again.

When we finally got downtown and were waiting for our name to be called I remember having a brief moment of panic about; "what if it was a girl?!". I mean I would be happy with boy or girl as long as baby was healthy... But I'm not going to lie, I had my heart set on a little boy. When discussing this thought with Nello, he just kept repeating as long as baby is healthy that he didn't care boy or girl. Secretly I think he was hoping for a boy too ;) After what seemed like a life time our name was called and in we went.

Because the hospital that we are having all of our pre natal care through is a teaching hospital, the first part of our ultrasound was done by a student with the certified technician standing by. At first I was nervous about a student doing the anatomy ultrasound, I mean what if she had of missed something really important or worried us about something that there was no need to be worried about. However, this was probably the best experience that I have had at the hospital or doctors thus far. Because she was a student the technician went through everything that she was doing very thoroughly. The student only performed the first 10 or 15 minutes of the ultrasound then the technician took over. Because the student was still there for the remainder of the scan, we were fortunate to hear about every inch of our little bug in great detail. The technician was explaining everything to the student in such detail that even though I was laying on the table not able to see what he was talking about I could envision every inch of baby.

As I was laying there imagining what baby was going to look like Nello caught my attention. He looked at me and mouthed that he was pretty sure that it was a girl... Well my heart stopped and I had to hold back tears, as I was so set on having a baby boy. After I had gotten over the initial shock of what he had said, a great amount of guilt started to kick in. I felt like a horrible mother being upset that it was a girl because I was so happy that I was pregnant at all. It really didn't matter whether it was a boy or girl, I was blessed to have a little human growing inside me.

At that point my thoughts were interrupted and the technician asked me if we wanted to know what we were having. I looked at Nello and then told the technician that I really did want to know. He started with all of babies organs and limbs. He showed us that everything was in place and looked as it should at that gestational age. The came the moment of truth... I didn't even have to wait for the technician to tell me, I could see quite clearly that it was a baby boy :) I was so excited that I don't remember a lot of what was said after that. And there was no mistaking it, baby boy was not shy one bit. Any time that the technician scanned over this area baby boy would proudly let us know that he was all boy. It made it all so much more real, and I was over the moon.

That night when we got back home we went out for dinner to celebrate the lil' man that was growing in my tummy followed by some much needed shopping. We were finally able to buy gender specific clothes instead of gender neutral... And I am a big shopper so this made my day :)

The first day of the rest of my life :)

As I sit here writting the first post on my blog I can feel baby boy kicking and moving around in my belly as if he had just drank three venti triple caramel machiattos from Starbucks... However life was very different before July 4th, 2010.


The days before July 4th were normal care free days for Nello and myself. I was working insanely long hours bar tending at Jack Astors, and he was busy working not so long hours doing sub-contract work. We were able to go out for the night if we wanted, or lay in bed all day watching movies... It didn't matter as it was just the two of us and we could come and go as we pleased. One of these care free nights we attended at concert at Jacks, and I had a couple corona's, and for some strange reason the next couple days I felt hung-over. One day I could understand but more than that was not something that I was used to. Something felt off, so off to shoppers Nello and I went and we purchased a pregnancy test. We had been down this road many times before, and nothing ever came of it, so I think we were both expecting another false alarm... WELL boy weren't we in for the shock of a life time.

I stared at the results in the bathroom trying to figure out how I was going to tell Nello that he was going to be a daddy... And I am not sure if it is just me or if many woman go through this, but I had not a clue the best way to break the news to this man sitting on the couch. I walked into the living room tossed him the test and said; "how do you feel about being a daddy?", and I waited for a response. He just looked at me, asked "if I was joking" and when I said "no" he started flipping through a magazine and didn't say another word to me.If I wasn't already panicking, after this reaction I was. I tried to remain calm and take everything in as this was not something that either of us were expecting. We had only been together 6 months and although a baby is definitely a blessing, this blessing was a little quicker than we had thought. As I sat at the computer taking everything in I realize that Nello has called his friend Domm. Keep in mind he had not yet spoken to me, but was outside on the phone with this person who as far as I was concerned was not the number one priority to talk about the pregnancy with first. Needless to say I was not impressed.

When Nello came back inside he grabbed me and hugged me and asked me if this is what I wanted. Of course my answer was yes. We decided then and there that we would make this possible and stick together through all the easy and tough times.

Looking back at that day now, I realize that it couldn't have happened at a better time. Although the positive result was a huge shock it was July 4th, 2010 that my life changed for the better. I found out that I was one of the lucky one's to be blessed with a baby, and better yet it was with the man of my dreams who I fall more and more in love with everyday.